Your Personal Approach Anxiety Remedy

A few days ago I was meeting with a friend who was dealing with some seriously bad approach  anxiety. I wanted to know what he’d done to try and solve this problem. He said, he’d tried the three–second–rule, but it wasn’t working for him. I asked him exactly how he felt when he wanted to approach, and it turns out that the step itself … Read More

The Ben Franklin Effect

There’s an old maxim saying, “He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged.” Last email, In our exploration of Reciprocation, we imagined a person failing to woo a stranger by offering them something like a drink or a meal. What if, however, the stranger ended up buying a drink … Read More

The Power of Reciprocation

If you’ve ever consumed a free sample, and then purchased the product, you’ve experienced the power of reciprocation first hand. If you give someone something, then they are inclined to give back. It’s unavoidable; human nature. So how does reciprocation apply to the social matrix? There are times that gifts are appropriate in a relationship. Countless friendships and romances included … Read More

Are You Ready To Be Popular?

To explore how social proof works within the social matrix, think back to high school and ponder, why were the popular kids popular? Why were the nerdy kids outcasts? The truth is: it was all just made up. Kids based their opinions off of things they heard from other kids, from TV, from parents, and from all sorts of other … Read More

Should You Ask For A Threesome?

This is not a subject for the faint of heart. An intimate experience with two people at the same time is a fantasy for many. It’s something that Neil wrote a lot about in his book The Truth. But how do you know if someone is ready for that kind of experience? How can you be sure that they’re open … Read More

How To Gamify Your Social Skills

Growing up, I was obsessed with Spy novels; John La Carre and Ian Fleming were among my favorites authors. So, when Neil asked me to come up with some spy-like social games for one of his Society Intensives, I couldn’t have been more excited. Today, I want to share one of those games with you as an example of something you could go out … Read More

The Four Step Method

I want to teach you four basic steps to keep yourself focused when you’re out practicing. It’s a variation on the larger method taught by Neil that Jay and I developed for quick reference at bootcamps. Neil was excited to have us share it with you. The goal is to break down your interactions into small steps that you can easily remember, with the principle … Read More

The Best Way To Apply Every Social Technique Ever

“How do I know when to apply a particular technique?” One of my 1-on-1 Monthly Coaching students asked me this question last week. And it’s not uncommon. When someone first starts practicing social skills, they’re working on developing an awareness of social situations. They do this through testing out material and noting when something works and when something doesn’t. If they’re repeatedly hitting the same sticking … Read More

The Secret to Giving Good Compliments

Last week, I was at a party with an old friend of mine: a photographer who’s always traveling, charming everyone he meets, and having adventurous sexual encounters with women from all over the world. My photographer friend had just spent a weekend going on romantic adventures, all over Spain, with a model he’d been shooting. What I loved about his … Read More