Are You Really Practicing Social Skills?
Today we want to you answer these four questions that will help you with your practice.
Is your practice unfocused?
Communication is a skill. Like any skill-set, there are drills and techniques that help you learn the universal principles of the art form. One of the most common pitfalls students run into is practicing without a focus on something specific.
Choose some material you like and make plans to practice it, each night you go out. Decide on one technique that you need to work on and practice that material for an entire night of practice. This could be a specific conversation starter, a particular story, or a piece of body language you need to work on.
Keep in mind that practicing anything new will feel uncomfortable and remember that anything you practice enough will eventually feel natural. It just takes time and focus.
Do you take responsibility for your mistakes?
If you’re rejected, then consider it your fault. As the one making the approaches, it’s up to you to figure out how you failed and to work on solving whatever problem comes up on your next attempt.
This is why as a coach I always suggest keeping a journal. They help students see where they’re going wrong and often they point out patterns in the social mistakes you’re making.
Do you take rejection personally?
Most of the time you are not being rejected, it’s a social pattern that’s being rejected, you’re just falling into it.
The most common pattern is someone approaching a group and taking value rather than giving it. For guys approaching women, generally, this pattern is walking up and showing romantic and sexual interest immediately, which is not only objectifying and uncomfortable.
To solve this problem, practice your openers, with a focus on starting a comfortable conversation that doesn’t show interest and does not take value. If the person seems uninterested in conversation, don’t take it personally, just politely your all-purpose exit line and say, “Pleasure meeting you” and walk away. When you’re done practicing, note what might have made them uncomfortable or uninterested.
Are you impatient?
Timing is everything.
Mastering the social matrix has nothing to do with how fast someone can move socially, it’s about the quality of the interaction. Great interactions take exactly as long as they need to. For example, when it comes to dating, people who rush sexually will likely appear horny and desperate, while people who are patient appear sexual and confident. Wait too long, however, and you might miss your opportunity for romance.
The key is to practice good timing. With consent, don’t be afraid to make a bold move, but don’t rush it either.