The Jealous Girlfriend opener is one of the first openers that most people test out after first reading the Game by Neil Strauss.
Behind every opener or conversation starter, there is a principle. It holds true whether you know what you’re doing or not. It holds true whether you’re a guy or a gal, gay or straight, or whether it’s day or night.
To start a conversation with strangers, the person who makes the approach must get the individual or group to feel comfortable within seconds. No one likes to be around a person who makes them uncomfortable.
Neil’s openers from the game, like the jealous girlfriend opener, include several key elements that create comfort from the moment you approach.
It’s part of the reason they work so well, and still hold up 11 years later.
Here they are:
• The root provides context for the question.
• The question does not reveal sexual or romantic interest – it arouses curiosity.
• The time constraint lets them know that you’re going to leave soon, which relieves any anxiety in the group.
Here is a word-for-word transcript of the Jealous Girlfriend opener, one of the most tested openers in the world – it includes a time constraint, root and question.
Style: Hey guys, let me get your opinion on something. I’m trying to give my friend over there advice, but we’re just a bunch of guys and not qualified to comment on these matters.
Style: Okay, see that guy over there. Well, he has been dating a girl for three months. And she just moved in with him. Now, this is a two part question. So, imagine you’ve been dating someone for three months. And he is still friends with his old girlfriend from college. How do you feel about that?
Girls: Well, that depends. Are they just friends or is there something more going on?
Style: Yes, they’re JUST friends. There’s nothing else going on. They talk like once a week at most.
Girls: I think it’s fine/I don’t think they should be talking/Etc.
Style: Okay, it’s a two part question. Now let’s say that he has a drawer in his apartment. And in that drawer he keeps all of his old photographs and letters.
Now, some of those letters happen to be from ex’es and some of the photographs happen to be with ex’es.
Style: It’s not like he ever looks at them. They are just there, like old souvenirs and memories of his past.
Girls: I think it’s fine/ He should put those in the closet/He should burn them, then bury the ashes.
Style: Okay, the reason I’m asking is because his girlfriend says doesn’t want him to talk to his ex from college at all. She wants him to cut it off completely.
And she wants him to destroy all of his old photos and letters from ex’s.
She says it’s just holding onto the past, and he should let go of it now. Personally, I thought it was extreme and a bit insecure.
But what do I know. I’m a guy. And, as we all know, guys think differently from girls…
Remember, the goal of an opener is to start a comfortable conversation.
The opener isn’t designed to attract anyone, it’s simply used to spark the first moment of contact. Once you’ve given your opinion and they’ve given theirs — it’s time to move on.