What’s your biggest enemy when it comes to meeting women? Think about it for a second before you answer, then list what you think the top three obstacles in your way are.
Whatever you wrote down is close, but no cigar. In fact, your biggest sticking point isn’t anything that you listed, but it’s related; Your biggest sticking point are the limiting beliefs that you have about yourself.
Whether you’re trying to meet some cool new bros in a new city, talk to the hottest chick at the bar or waltz right into your boss’ office and get the raise you deserve, your own belief system is the thing keeping you from being successful. This is why, at a recent seminar weekend, Neil told everyone that “approach anxiety doesn’t exist.”
What are these limiting beliefs? And more to the point, how do we overcome them? This is about more than just meeting women — it’s about taking control of your life.
Limiting Belief #1: Girls Only Like Bad Boys
Why This Is Wrong: Truth told, evolutionary psych tells us that women like providers and men with social status. And while there’s a lot of overlap between these guys and the proverbial “bad boy,” it’s by no means seamless. Nor, contrary to what you might believe, to girls “prefer jerks.”
How to Reframe This Belief: Start thinking and acting like a man with high social status. Rather than chasing after an aloof, detached and dismissive persona, be a man who is satisfied with himself, who doesn’t need others to validate him, who brings that little bit of extra energy to every interaction he engages in.
Limiting Belief #2: This Stuff Only Works for Other Guys
Why This Is Wrong: The methods and techniques we teach have little to do with your base skill level, appearance, wealth or any other factor. They work because they’ll work if you practice them. If they didn’t, we’d be teaching something else.
How to Reframe This Belief: Bottom line: Are you actually trying these techniques or just reading about them, deciding they won’t work for you and spending another Friday night with Netflix and Xbox? The Game is to be sold, not told, so get out there, practice what we teach and hone your technique through real-world experience. If you’re having trouble going it alone, get yourself a wing or wing for another guy and check his style.
Limiting Belief #3: I’m Just Not That Interesting
Why This Is Wrong: James Joyce, author of Ulysses and other masterpieces of 20th Century literature once said that he never met an uninteresting person. Are you calling him wrong? He’s not. In fact, when people say they’re not interesting they’re saying a lot more about their self-esteem and confidence than anything else. So how do we break through this to get you to realize just how interesting you actually are?
How to Reframe This Belief: Let’s say your favorite band is Metallica. That’s boring. It doesn’t matter what you answer, liking a band just isn’t all that interesting. What is interesting, though, is a story about the time you and your friend hopped a fence to see Metallica, or how they became your favorite band because they were what you and your dad used to listen to while you worked on cars, or how you got in trouble for wearing a Metallica shirt to school. Facts aren’t all that interesting. Stories about who you are and how you got that way are worth their weight in gold.
Limiting Belief #4: I’m Just Not That Attractive
Why This Is Wrong: It’s not that women don’t care about looks; it’s just that they care about looks way less than men do. If women were as hung up on looks as guys are, how far do you think Neil would have gotten?
How to Reframe This Belief: Work on your appearance through going to the gym, dressing better and grooming yourself, but not because of how you’re going to look to women — do it because it’s going to make you feel better about yourself. Most importantly, realize that women are more interested in men with social status (which any man can cultivate, especially in a “micro” situation, like out at a bar or club) than they are with your appearance. At the same time, take responsibility for the parts of your appearance that you do have control over and work on them for you own sake, not anyone else’s.
Limiting Belief #5: Women Make Me Nervous
Why This Is Wrong: Women aren’t making you nervous — you’re making you nervous. This isn’t anything to do with women. It’s an entirely internal process. The good news is that there are some tools to help you work on it.
How to Reframe This Belief: There’s no substitute for field experience, exposing yourself to women over and over again until those feelings of nervousness start to fade away. This relates to point three. You can read about this stuff all you want, but you need to get out there and do it. A big part of why men are nervous around women is because they once had a bad experience talking to a woman and it made them gunshy. The only way to get over that is to start having new, more positive experiences when it comes to meeting and talking to women.
If you want to learn how to transform yourself into the the best person you can be check out Neil Strauss’ Ultimate Training program.