No Risk of Flaking: Setting Up The Date

A lot of people can get phone numbers from someone they’re interested in, but a number doesn’t always translate to a date. So unless that number sticks and you end up meeting in person again – the info is meaningless.

The general way a date is set up is this: A person get’s a phone number saying something like, “We should hang out sometime.” And then, they plan a date via text or phone. A more effective way to do this is the opposite.

Set up the date and then exchange information. This is a much more logical progression and it makes getting the contact info incidental. Of course, you’re going to get contact info, if you already have a date planned.

At Stylelife, we teach a specific technique called seeding: a unique way of setting up a date and then exchanging a phone number. When we say seed we mean planting the seed of a date early on in conversation (as a recommendation) and then later asking the person you’re interested in out to the place you seeded earlier. 


Here’s how Seeding Works:

1. Find a few place you’d enjoy taking a date:

These places can be anything from a cocktail lounge to a park that you love. What matters is that the place has meaning to you and that you think it could be fun/interesting for them. In other words, it has to reflect some part of your identity. If you’re not familiar with your area, one way to get familiar is to put together a list of places to visit over the next few weeks and make a list of the ones that you like. You’re going to need to know a few different venues for the next step…

2. Recommend the location:  

Once you’ve met someone you’re interested in going out with, give them a recommendation to one of the places you’d like to take them, but here’s the catch – don’t invite them. At least, not at this moment. Simply recommend the place early on in the conversation. Do your best to explain what you love about it and why you’re recommending it to them. Imagine that you’re not ever going out on a date with them, and that you simply want to give a great recommendation. A few minutes later we’ll invite them…

3. Wait to invite:  

After you recommend the place, just keep talking. Whatever you do when you’re presenting your best self is fine, just keep it going. Tell stories, be entertaining, flirt, tease – as long as they’re comfortable – keep the conversation going.  

4. Invite Them Out:  

So, you’ve recommended a great place without inviting them. Then you kept the conversation going, being as conversationally-attractive as you have it in you to be. Now it’s time to invite this person out. The key to setting up the date is to pick a date and place. Say something like this, “Hey, this Thursday I’m headed over to that speakeasy I was telling you about, you should come along. I think you’d really enjoy it.”  

5. Agree or Disagree:  

At this point they’re going to do one of three things:

They can reject you by saying something like, “I’m busy” or “I’m working that night.” If this happens, then she’s not into you and you’re going to have to go back and work on being more conversationally attractive. 

They’ll accept, saying something like, “Sure” or “Yeah, that sounds great.” If this happens move on to step 5.  

They’ll reschedule by saying something like,  “I’m working that night, but I’m free Friday.” This is a good thing, people will go out of their way to hang out with people they’re interested in and you’ve just proven to yourself that you’re interested to this person. The only problem that pops up here is that they might pick a day that you’re not free. Don’t worry about it; just work it out to find a day that you’re both available.  

5. Exchange Numbers:  

Now that this person’s agreed to a date with you and you have the date and place picked say, “Great, lets exchange information and I’ll text you the night before with the details.” Give her your number and get hers.  

6. Stick Around:  

Once your future date gives you their number, don’t just leave. You don’t want it to feel like the whole reason you were there was to get a phone number. Hang out, keep the conversation going, leave when it comes to a natural end and contact them like you said you would in the previous step.

The Quick Version: If you can’t remember all these little steps, there’s a quick solution. Simply remember these words:  Date First. Number Second.



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