Recently, a couple of my students were thrown off balance when a woman asked them, “Why are you still single?” Here’s a process to create the perfect answer that answers not only that question but any questions you encounter that feel tricky to navigate.
1. When you get home, think about how you answered that question when you were in field. Write down everything you can remember. At first, it might be just the a basic summary. As you practice you may recall exact words and phrases. Keep practicing and soon enough you’ll be able to add in her responses. After that, you note your body language and hers. It doesn’t matter how basic you start, as long as you’re practicing, your social memory improves and you get better and better over time.
2. Examine your response carefully and ponder: What did this convey about my identity? This is an important question to ask yourself, because whenever someone asks you a question, it’s an opportunity to teach them about yourself. Your answer helps paint a picture of who you are in their imagination. To help train your mind to do that kind of analyzation, use the exercise provided below:
EXERCISE TO ENHANCE SELF ANALYZATION
Read these 5 possible responses and for each think, “What might that say about me as a person?” Don’t worry so much about what is right or what is wrong, rather, focus on what qualities each conveys about who you are as a person:
“Who needs a girlfriend? I love going to bars, getting hammered, and banging lots of different chicks.”
“I love women immensely, but I’d make a terrible boyfriend. You should actually stay away from me, I’d probably destroy your life.”
“There’s nothing in life like a romantic evening with a woman you love, but my work has me in a new city every weekend, and I wouldn’t want to always be away from her, so I stay single.”
“Honestly, I’ve always found women tremendously confusing to talk to. Finding the perfect girlfriend may not be as easy as you might think.”
“My standards are very high. It takes an exceptionally high-quality woman to catch my eye in that regard and I’m in no rush. Love finds you when you least expect it, not when you’re searching it out.”
Now, you’ve begun training your mind to think about what qualities you convey with your responses to questions and you can begin to craft your own. Your words are your choice. Remember, every question they ask is an opportunity to influence how they view you as a person.