It doesn’t matter if you met someone out at a bar or on Tinder: You wish you were better at texting. And why wouldn’t you? It’s 2016 and while texting technology isn’t exactly in its infancy anymore, you have a fraction of the experience with this that you do with talking to potential dates in the flesh. You can improve your text game, but it starts with a realistic appraisal of your own personal challenges.
We talk to literally tens of thousands of prospective students who are interested in joining the Stylelife Academy. As such, we hear a number of problems that people have when it comes to texting.
You Don’t Know What To Say
Some people really excel at knowing what to say via text in a way they can’t out at a bar or club. On the other hand, a lot of people just can’t seem to come up with anything to say via text.
We believe there’s a very simple solution to this: Keep it non-sexual, make a question, and end by inviting them out to do something.
You’re Not Intriguing Them
Maybe you can come up with things to say. Maybe this person even responds to you, but you never meet up. It’s probable that they’re not into you -and you should think about moving on- that the place you’re inviting them isn’t that interesting, or that the texts were boring.
You Don’t Know How to Set Up a Date
The point of texting isn’t more texting. It’s getting them off the phone and preferably on a date. Unfortunately, a lot of people focus too much on their ‘text game’ that they never make the transition from texting to up close and in-person.
Remember, to focus on setting up a date, not keeping the texting going indefinitely. A date is much more likely to bring the two of you closer than texting ever will. Flirt with them, but avoid chit chatting and always be thinking about how you’re moving toward the date.
Your Text Dates Always Flake
Are you the person who gets dates but is always have them cancel? Even worse, do you have dates that don’t show up? Sure, the person agrees to give you their phone number, but the date itself never seems to materialize. What are you doing wrong?
Remember what we said above about how you need to intrigue them? You’re failing to do that. You can do this by being interesting, exciting or even ‘mysterious.’ This is the point: People will go out of their way to hang out with someone they’re interested in. If they’re flaking on you it’s may be a sign that you need to work on building more value.
Your Texting Makes Them Uncomfortable
While many people keep things in text land too long, there are the people who come on too strong. It can be hard for people to be honest with themselves that that’s what they’re doing, but you have to level with yourself if you’re going to make any improvement.
Remember, just because they gave you a phone number does not mean that you’re entitled to a date. If they ignore you or don’t want to hang out, be cool, move on, and don’t hold it against them.
Your Text Conversations Slowly Taper Off
You two had a great time and the texting starts off with a lot of energy, but what sooner-or-later happens and often sooner rather than later — the texting starts tapering off. You thought things were going great! What happened?
The problem here is that you’re probably over texting. If you’re exchanging information constantly, you’re burning out one of the most fun parts of a date – the mystery of it all.
You also want to check in with yourself. Are you texting constantly so that you’ll get a response? If yes, do you want the response because the response because it reassures you that the other person is still interested?
If you find yourself in this place, try to limit your texting to messages designed to get them to meet up with you in the future. This will help you build confidence that hourly texts aren’t necessary for them to stay interested.