When it comes to how to attract women, there is a lot of bad information out there.
Today, I’d like to shed some light on two topics that come up regularly with students:
1. Approach Anxiety
To deal with approach anxiety, try giving yourself a plan for the night. It’s one of the best practices you can put into effect.
Before you go out – write down your goal for the night.
What you write should include:
· How long your practice will last
· How many repetitions of a technique you’re going to perform
· Which technique you’re practicing
For example, “Tonight I am going out for three hours, I am going to approach at minimum four sets, and I am going to use the Cashmere sweater opener.”
Sometimes simply setting a clear, achievable goal in cement (or on paper) can be enough motivation to complete the task and override the anxiety.
2. Day Game, Night Game, Nonsense
There’s been a lot of talk about day game on the 24/7 pocket coach.
– How is it different from night game?
– What techniques work during the day that don’t work at night?
– Is this particular opener a good day game opener?
Here’s the deal. Day game and night game are nonsense. They’re both terms created by marketers to sell you products.
There is only attraction.
Attraction, like every other art form, boils down to a series of universal principles.
By universal, I mean that those principles hold true whether it’s day or night, whether you’re male or female, gay or straight. They’re part of being human.
For example, the principle for starting a conversation is to make the person or group comfortable. No one wants to be around someone who makes them uncomfortable.
What makes people comfortable changes from environment to environment and person to person. It’s up to you to figure out what makes a person or group comfortable in their particular time and place.
This social awareness, to know what makes people comfortable, can only be gained through practice. Another term for social awareness is calibration.
The more calibrated you are, the more opportunities you’ll see to use whatever techniques you know.
Techniques are expressions of principles, and they are not universal, the effectiveness of techniques changes from environment to environment.
Techniques are also tools for coaches to help you learn the principles from an experiential place. It’s one thing to intellectually understand that starting conversations is about making people comfortable. It’s an entirely different thing to feel it, and you only get there through practice.
The problem with “day game” and “night game” is that day and night are far too broad of categories. You can be in a coffee shop during the day or at night. You can be on the street during the day or at night. You can be in a club during the day or at night. The only real difference is that the sun is up.
The question: “is this technique good for day game” is meaningless. You could be anywhere in the world during the day and there is a different answer for nearly all of those places.
Some more reasonable questions might be:
– How do I approach someone in a coffee shop?
– How do I build comfort in a nightclub?
– How do I use an opener on someone who’s walking down the street?
As a student, your goal should be to practice in as many environments as possible and understand the nuances of each place and its relation to social interaction.
Don’t think about practicing “day game” or “night game” – think about what you would have to do to make someone comfortable in this particular time and place?
It’s all just The Game.
If you feel drawn to the idea of “day game” because the venues associated with nighttime make you uncomfortable, then immediately plan your practice for an upcoming night. You’re using the concept of day game as a crutch to hide from your fears.
Your comfort zone is a trap, get out of it.