Ready to troubleshoot your game?
Here are the steps:
1. Learn to Learn
The most important skill you can have, in the game and in life, is to know how to learn.
If you are going out every day and doing the same thing over and over, just hoping one day that it will start working, then you haven’t learned this skill.
It’s like bashing your head against a brick wall, over and over, hoping that eventually it will give way.
Guess what? It won’t. All your do is hurt your head.
Instead, take a step back, look at the wall, look at the environment around the wall, and then either climb over it or walk around it.
So, in game terms, if you go out, approach, assess the results, and then figure out what you did right and wrong – and then actually improve next time –you’re doing it right. You’re well on your way to mastery.
Below are a few pointers for training your inner coach.
2. How Long Does It Take?
There is no specific amount of time it’s going to take you to master the game.
The reason is because everyone is starting from a different place.
For some people, it may be a few months; for others, a few years.
In addition, because you are breaking down the way you socially interact and rebuilding it, it’s likely that for some of you, your game may get worse before it gets better. It’s like cleaning a house: at some point in the process, your house is messier than it was before you started cleaning. But in the end, your house
will be immaculate.
For me, it took me three or four months before I was consistently approaching and getting to the hook point; it took another three months until I was able to go for the kiss; and another six months before I felt like a PUA. Overall, it was probably a year and a half before I was operating at my peak.
For some, it takes less time; for others, more time.
This is why the goal of the Stylelife Challenge is simply to get a date, and not to get a girlfriend or sex or even a makeout. It is a fair goal for a month, no matter where you’re starting from. However, a few of you may have to work harder than others and overcome more of your limiting beliefs and behaviors to get
So don’t be impatient. This is not a productive way of thinking. As long as you’re learning and improving, you’re doing fine. You are learning a new skill that has a long learning curve, and there are no shortcuts.
3. Know Thyself
Ancient wisdom from the Oracle of Delphi: Know Thyself.
This is another one of the most valuable skills you can possess.
Those who are overly confident in their own perfection and believe that they are right all the time don’t learn.
Those who beat themselves up every time something goes wrong and take things personally are just as bad.
One of the best assets you can have is the ability to look at yourself objectively, and absorb any feedback or constructive criticism. It is essential not to respond DEFENSIVELY. The demons that are the cause of most of our problems are FEAR and INSECURITY. Work to abolish them at all times. The other secret to
being light and carefree in this world is to NOT take things personally.
Once you’ve been given advice or feedback, you must process to it with an open mind – free of the traps mentioned above. Then you will be able to accurately filter it. There are three categories to file the advice and feedback in:
A. Yes: Does it apply to you? Could it help? If so, incorporate the lesson and see what happens.
B. Maybe: Are you not sure about the feedback? Perhaps it’s worth trying. Test out the new behavior or idea, see if it fits and works for you.
C. No: Be very sure before discarding advice, but if it’s a bad idea coming from a bad source that shows little understanding, you’re free to ignore it. However, if the same advice keeps coming at you from sources, you may want to reconsider the idea as well as your own view of yourself and your responses to others.
The more you filter, the better your instincts become, until one day your instincts will be better than most people’s advice. For most of us, that day is a long way away. Others who are not doing the work you are will never get there. The key is to enjoy the journey.
4. Instant Replay
When I was first learning the game, Ross Jefferies told me I had one trait that most people didn’t use.
This was the ability to replay events in my head, identify the sticking points and trouble areas, and then come up with a solution for next time — without taking it personally.
Every time you make an approach, and the interaction doesn’t go according to plan, you are responding with INSECURITY if you blame it on the other person.
My attitude is: If someone else has done it or can do it, then it must be possible.
So every time an approach doesn’t end up with the outcome you’d like, it’s movie time. At some point, at your leisure, replay the entire event in your head. Then figure out what YOU could have done to make the outcome more successful. If you can’t figure it out for yourself, post the details online and ask for help.
That’s what the Stylelife Forums are for. Then next time you find yourself in a similar situation, you’ll know exactly what to do.
Don’t forget that knowing is different than doing. It’s easy to know what to do, but it takes practice to do it right.
5. Where Did It Go Wrong?
Here’s a rule of thumb: If something goes wrong at ONE stage in the interaction, it generally means you made a mistake in the PREVIOUS stage of the interaction.
That is, assuming you are following the structure and material you’ve been given.
For example, if you try to exchange numbers and she turns you down, this doesn’t mean you need to work on the way you rip the paper and hand it to her. It usually means that you didn’t demonstrate enough value or create enough rapport for her to want to exchange numbers.
Similarly, if she’s not returning your phone call, the problem usually isn’t that you’re leaving the wrong message, it’s that in your first interaction, you made an error.
So look over your game, figure out where you’re getting stuck, and ask yourself if you’re doing anything wrong in the step BEFORE.
Kobo Abe, the Japanese writer, once said that all his work is about the same thing: It’s that one of the biggest problems of modern living is that we are made for a tribal existence, and people are still not used to the idea of encountering a stranger who is not an enemy.
While this may be both truth and exaggeration, what this means for you is that when you meet a woman, it can only take as little as ONE warning sign or error, and she may back away from a future interaction.
If you give off one “creepy” or “desperate” signal, it is often enough to turn off a woman who is well socially calibrated – and most women are. That’s the bad news.
The good news is that if you can figure out what those negative or warning signs are that you’re giving off, you can eradicate them from your behavior and
nearly all of your interactions will be successful.
Here’s the secret to eradicating bad behaviors: Become self-correcting.
Know what you’re looking to change or excise, then whenever you catch yourself doing it, fix it or stop it.
But how do you know what to change if you can’t figure out for yourself during the interaction or during movie time after?
This is one of the reasons it’s important to form a Stylelife Challenge team: it’s not always easy to see yourself as others see you.
Another way to do this is to talk to the woman herself. When I was learning, after nearly every interaction with a woman, whether we ended up in bed together or with her backing away, I would ask her to honestly explain her mental process and reasoning for her decisions. This way I received feedback that I could then filter and use, if applicable, to improve myself.
Other times I’d go out purposely to experiment with a new idea or way of behaving, to see if it worked better than what I was typically doing.
You’re not failing if you’re learning.
So remember: Learn to learn, know thyself, learn from your successes as well as your mistakes, and, whatever may happen, don’t take it personally.
If the game is self-improvement, then we’re all in it for life.
So learn to play it right.