As a dating coach, the issue of loneliness is one that comes up a lot.
The only remedy is a combination of getting out there, facing your fears, talking to new people, building memories, having adventures and cultivating friendships.
That said, we don’t often talk about the subject of loneliness in detail. So, let’s stop ignoring this issue and take it on.
It’s a strange time in our culture. We have more convenience and more material wealth than any people ever in history, yet we have fewer and fewer close relationships.
People at large are going out less and less.
Amazon has made it so that you no longer need to go to a bookstore or even the grocery store to get what you need.
Fast food chains that deliver to your door are posting record profits, while mom and pop diners are going out of business.
At the same time, many of the traditional social networks that existed in the past where you might find friendships, or a date are disappearing.
People are going to classes virtually. They’re watching movies in their bedrooms.
Researchers thought that with the advent of the Internet that television viewership would decrease. It hasn’t.
Instead we watch the same amount of TV and then we go online for an average of 3 hours a day on top of TV viewing.
In short, the modern lifestyle has created an environment in which it is easy to become isolated. With isolation comes a feeling of loneliness.
Loneliness is an epidemic in America. Research shows that it affects about 60 million people. It’s also quite bad for your health:
“The combination of toxic effects can impair cognitive performance, compromise the immune system, and increase the risk for vascular, inflammatory, and heart disease. Studies show that loneliness increases the risk for early death by 45 percent and the chance of developing dementia in later life by 64 percent. On the other hand, people who have strong ties to family and friends are as much as 50 percent less at risk of dying over any given period of time than those with fewer social connections.” (everydayhealth.com)
I was the stereotypical nerd, with a room full of comic books, video games, and a membership to an anime club, and my Dungeons & Dragons group.
Life was stagnant. Sure I was having fun, but daily life was becoming tedious because there was nothing new coming in – no new friends, no dates, just the same old stuff.
Then I met Neil Strauss. Neil could talk to anybody. He made friends everywhere he went and was constantly mixing it up in wild and unique social circles.
He shared much of what he learned in his book “The Game: Penetrating The Secret Society of Pickup Artists.”
He showed me a side of life that I never knew existed.
Once I saw how easy it actually was to make new friends and meet new people, I was hooked.
The best part was that Neil looked at human interaction from a scientific perspective. He cataloged his interactions to learn what worked and what didn’t, tracking it like a scientist until the formula was perfected.
I learned from him – documenting my social interactions. The notes I took have forever changed the way I interact with people.
I didn’t just learn to talk to women. I learned to become a social human being, who made friends everywhere.
Eventually, Neil hired me on as a coach.
I ended up traveling the world; helping guys in over a dozen countries get over their fears, helping to alleviate their loneliness.
Here we were, nerds, outcasts, and ordinary dudes talking and laughing our way through the most famous bars and clubs in Los Angeles, New York, Hong Kong, Stockholm, London, and Sydney.
To say that social skills are valuable is quite an understatement. They literally can take you anywhere. They can help you make any dream you have for your life come true.
At Stylelife, we start with dating, because honestly, that’s what most people think it’s going to solve their loneliness problem.
It certainly helps in the short term, and it’s a lot of fun, but in the long term, it’s about facing your fears, overcoming limiting beliefs, and learning to effectively express yourself.
You have to know how to navigate the social matrix.
This is about much more than talking to potential dates, it’s about talking to anyone, and knowing how to bring value and comfort to any interaction.
It’s just that talking to someone who you’re attracted to has a lot of anxiety built into it. I’ve noticed that most people who study with us and get used to approaching people they find attractive or intimidating, start to become better at approaching anyone.
I suppose it’s like playing a video game on hard, then going back and playing on easy.
If you can talk to people that you find attractive, then you can talk to anybody without fear and you can know exactly how to engage them, be interesting, and keep them coming back for more.
Learning these skills with Neil has literally changed every aspect of my life for the better. My friendships, life adventures, career, and my amazing girlfriend – all of it came from hard work and practice, as well as the need to get out of my comfort zone and stay there.
Loneliness is an epidemic, but it doesn’t have to be.
It may be the world’s easiest epidemic to solve.
Humans are social creatures. It’s literally in our DNA to form relationships and bonds with our fellow humans.
So get out there and help rid the world of loneliness.